Saturday, July 31, 2010

Any advice for me from people who have had a dying loved one in hospice at their house?

My grandmother came up to live with me and my family in June. Its now November and her health has declined so rapidly in the last couple weeks and she is now in a hospice program. Anyone who has had a dying loved one at their house would know how hard this is. If you have any advice, inspirational words/quotes it would be much appreciated by my family and I. Thank you.Any advice for me from people who have had a dying loved one in hospice at their house?
My father and husband both died at home. Surround yourself with supportive people. I had family around and friends kept in contact. We cried, hugged each other and just tried to take it moment by moment. It was difficult, but I was very glad that hospice was there. The social worker was very helpful. They also have chaplains. I was glad that each of them could be at home. They wanted it and so did we. It will take months to feel halfway decent. Be easy on yourself, and, if you need more support later, consider going to a grief support group. It helped me.Any advice for me from people who have had a dying loved one in hospice at their house?
To be frank I have experienced 6 death in my family. Four


elderly and two in early forties. Believe me i was shattered.


Ofcourse these deaths occured in span of 7 years. All


consolations and quotes did not work with me. I spent


3 years crying only. I kept praying and meditating but tears


flowed freely. While i know everything is karmic and there


is nothing one can do about it but try to convince somebody


whose loved one has died and he or she with keep bawling.


Only thing which helped me is TIME which is the greatest


healer. Prayer and meditation will help a little but the main


thing to do is keep yourself BUSY and OCCUPIED and then


TIME will do the rest. Good luck and may god give you


enought mental strength to tide over your problem.
Death is every bit as natural as birth. There is a beauty and comfort to it... You know the quote, ';Nothing is certain but death and taxes?';





Anyway, two movies for you to watch. Oddly, both with Robin Williams as the star... Watch, ';What Dreams May Come,'; and ';Patch Adams.'; You will cry and cry and cry like a baby, but the humor makes it bearable. One of the biggest helps to me watching my virile and large grandfather wither away for years before he finally passed was to indulge myself in private so I could deal with my emotions in a safe and productive way. It helped me be strong, supportive and unselfish. One of the things that often happens when a loved one is going to die is that niggling thought of, ';What about me?'; What's going to happen to YOU. How do YOU feel. What can YOU do to help. These feelings are natural, but they get in the way of what is important, which is making that persons last days on this earth happy and stress free. You want to show them how strong you are. You want them to know that you will be just fine when they pass on. It is comforting to the dying to know that the people they love are settled (even if you have to lie and fake it so much that you deserve an Emmy!).
I lost my 81 yr old dad a 1 1/2 yrs ago. It broke my heart to see him leave. I had trouble coping with the loss and I just kept trying to remember the good times.


I remembered the scripture ';yeah though I walk thru the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for though art with me';


Just remember, She is going to be safe because she is sheltered in the arms of God. She will soon have no more pain, no more suffering and she will be in a better place.
you are in a very tough situation right now. remember that being at home means alot to your grandmother. she has her whole family surrounding her at this time and can be very supportive to her. it can't be easy for you, but as long as your grandmothers pain is controlled, her needs are being met , i'm sure she is where she wants to be. you can also speak with the hospice clergy or the social worker for advice.


god bless you all...
The only thing I'd like to tell you is First I'm sorry that you and your family are going through this. Hospice is different for everyone. I had a good experience. Just remember to make sure your grandpa is comfortable and make sure you are ready to let him go when its time. Talk to him...talk about what you remember. listen to his stories(ask about when he was youger or when you parents were) and than hold on to those memories. Lossing a loved one is never easy.





The Hospice nurse is there if you need to talk, She can help you with alot of things just ask.





Blessing to you and yours.
Sorry to hear of your situation. My mum was diagnosed in May with kidney cancer, when found it had already spread to her liver and lung. It was very aggressive she pasted away sept 7 aged 60. I quit my job, well basically my life to care for mum when she was sick. We had palliative care (hospice care) come in daily towards the end to help but it was basically left to the family to care for her. Which i wouldnt have had any other way. It was EXTREMELY hard (esp. emotionally) because we watched her fade away. But Mum got her last wish and that was to be at home when she past. I heve lots more info, contact me if you need to

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